People think that there must be something so traumatic that happened to them that makes them feel dissociated, overthinking, have a negative self-talk
We think that there must be something so intense and rare, some kind of abuse, or death, or something so emotionally strong that happens that creates these issues
But no, let me give you a wider overview of how this really works 😮
Let me give you the environment and variables that can start overthinking, negative self-talk, dissociation, escaping from the present moment, etc.
You are 9.
You trust your parents unconditionally.
You dont question them because they’re supposed to know what they’re doing and how the world works.
You are playing with your toys.
Your parent tells you “you’re so stupid! You’ve matured and you’re still playing with toys? Shame on you”.
You don’t question that because your parents are always right.
You let this thought in, believe it, make it your own, your truth because it comes from a “trusted source”.
Now you dont question your parents, you start questioning yourself.
All the anger and blame and doubt, is all directed towards yourself because there’s something wrong with you and you should fix it.
You are confused and dont understand whats going on, and in your mind the following connections start being formed:
“there’s something wrong with me EVEN when i believe everything is fine” and your mind connects “im feeling good about myself” to “be careful, there’s STILL that thing in you that you havent fixed” and “you cant enjoy the present moment until you fix THAT thing”
So every present moment where you’re enjoying yourself becomes an endless search in your head to find what THAT error in you is
But at the same time you have no idea what is wrong with you but at the same time you feel it’s true and you keep torturing yourself and creating a problem even when it doesnt exist and obsessing on fixing it because the baseline belief says that
“there’s something wrong with you even when you think everything is fine. Expect imminent danger even when you feel happy and present and when you’re enjoying yourself”.
This kid will become an adult who will have self-doubt, will struggle with overthinking, dissociation, negative self-talk. The self-doubt is going to spread into other areas of their life.
In therapy, this adult will say “i dont know where this self-doubt is coming from. I dont know why it’s there. My life is fine, i KNOW everything is ok in me but i FEEL there’s something wrong with me and i just cant get this thought out of my head”
Hopefully you can see yourself in this story and realize that even the most innocent situations can start beliefs, habits, thoughts, blocks that can last for the rest of our life — until we do something about it of course
To your freedom 💕
Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist