DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR? Have you ever said one of these words to yourself, made one of these promises and generalized in this way?
Im never going to be hurt again!!
Im never going to be vulnerable again!!
Im never going to be poor again!!
Im never going to open up to people again!!
Im never going to [insert action/behavior] again!!
You see these black and white promises and generalizations? See them?
This is the beginning of self-created limitations and blocks
You promise to yourself “Im never going to be hurt again” and now you end up with emotional numbness
You promise to yourself “im never going to be vulnerable again” and your mind starts coming up with reasons to avoid people — because im fat, because im not attractive enough, because im not smart enough, because this because that. Reasons that “make sense” but are just ANOTHER excuse to avoid feeling hurt
You promise to yourself “Im never going to be poor again” and now you end up being so driven that you attach happiness with money/material object, and you feel constantly unhappy deep down
We make these promises, and we pay the consequences both in positive and negative
It feels good to know that many many mental and emotional problems in life are our creation 🤷♀️
Perhaps you had forgotten, or perhaps you believed that it was more complicated than this, or perhaps you thought you didnt have the power to do this to yourself
But no, you do have the power to limit yourself and to make yourself free
So start from now. How? Stop saying that anxiety/ fears/ overthinking/ dissociation/ dpdr/ whatever it is is stopping you from living your life
Be 100 percent honest with yourself: What promises did you make to yourself? In what way did you choose to be protected instead of feeling the original emotions?
Internal change starts when you clearly see how you’ve CREATED precisely the problems that you are struggling with today
I know on the spot it’s hard to see HOW you’ve contributed to your own demise, but trust me when i say that you have contributed and even created the problem,
and now you’re blaming it because (as an example) it’s easier to say that dissociation is the reason why you cant connect to people, instead of just saying “I just dont want to feel hurt and i had to come up with a problem to cover this truth”
or it’s easier to say that that negative inner voice is the reason why i cant achieve my goals, instead of just saying “I just dont want to feel uncomfortable, so it’s better to say that i have a negative voice that doesnt let me achieve my goals”
You see how much power and energy you’re giving precisely to the issues you want to get rid of? 😅
You have to transfer the power from the PROBLEM (dissociation, anxiety, fears, negative voice, self-doubt) over to YOU
So let me give you more practical advice: To get unstuck and become powerful you must remove ALL the excuses, justifications, stories
When i say all, i mean ALL. Put aside the amount of suffering that caused these problems to develop. Put aside your past. Put aside your childhood. You have to remain without excuses and without “yes but”
So if you dont want be hurt, just say “I dont want to be hurt”. You dont have to invent a problem called dissociation that indirectly justifies you for you why you dont want to feel hurt, and on top of that you become unconscious of how you created dissociation because that would be even more painful to admit
If you feel uncomfortable in achieving your goals, just say “I dont like to feel uncomfortable and rejected”. Thats it, leave it there. You dont have to invent and believe a problem called negative self-talk and self-doubt that indirectly justifies for you why you should avoid feeling uncomfortable and rejected
As simple as it sounds: Just be honest with yourself and stop unloading any form of responsibility onto problems, issues, symptoms and instead look inside at how much you YOU are contributing to the whole thing!!
With heart, Giuseppe
Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist