Ok so you’ve focused for so many months and years on wanting to overcome, remove, almost destroy dpdr and dissociation as if they were the enemies right?
But you haven’t gotten any result and dpdr is still there, so perhaps instead of removing dpdr, you need to remove your ineffective mindset don’t you!?
We all know that if something doesn’t change, then it’s time to change the way YOU think about it!
TIME FOR TRUTH!
So instead of removing and facing dpdr head-on, here’s the new way that gets results instead: Focus on the specific benefits and indirect ways that dpdr is helping you in, question those, and find new ways to fulfill the same needsBecause when you question those ways and find new ways to fulfill the same needs, dpdr automatically quickly effortlessly and naturally dissolves
What does that mean in practice? For example when we go deep in discovery calls and in therapy sessions with my clients, it’s not rare that people formed the following beliefs (more or less consciously) usually in specific periods of their life:
- I need to feel unreal because reality is overwhelming, threating and unsafe
- I need to hide my emotions because I can’t physically hide from the people that hurt me
- I learned that people only hurt and disappoint you (belief 1), and at the same time my parents taught that I should never blame people (belief 2), so it’s better to see people as robots so that I have an excuse for not empathizing with them and at the same time I can blame myself because it’s always my fault not theirs (belief 1 + 2)
- I learned that i can’t trust myself and i cant be myself because my parents always told me that im not worthy of being myself because i should be more like them (belief 1) but at the same time i respect my parents and i dont want to disobey because otherwise they would feel betrayed (belief 2), so being depersonalized is a way of respecting my parents because im not being myself, im not in my body and thats exactly how i should be to get the love of my parents (belief 1 + 2)I know I know, you don’t choose to believe these things.. sometimes it’s the only way we can survive.
But most of the time these beliefs are simply very inaccurate descriptions and understanding of the world when we are younger and we just don’t know any better.. and irrational descriptions tooRegardless of that, these habits of thoughts, shifts of focus and beliefs are so subtle, ingrained, quick, invisible, unconscious and automatic that even while you’re reading this, there’s a part of you (the rational part) that is saying that it’s impossible and that this can’t be you, and the other part of you that is saying “This kinda makes sense..” and is putting all the pieces of the puzzle together, is connecting the dots and things “start to make more sense..”
And what happens is that people come up with all kinds of theories and seductive and compelling intellectual explanations (it’s a brain damage, it’s the the biological imbalance of the hormone number 1 and number 2, I cant heal because my doctor said that i have borderline/dissociative/generalized anxiety/major depression disorder/illness, i cant do anything about it because [insert complicated theory and new label]) .
…and dont get me wrong, while on the one hand there’s some truth to these things, I know that those theories can VERY easily become another intellectual labirynth and fancier high-sounding academical explanation we make up to avoid these simple truths (again!) about ourselves, basically another form of intellectual prison in which you’re giving the power to an out-there theory/explanation and you keep explaining why you cant improve and why you should be avoiding facing yourself and owning the parts of you that need to be integrated and healed
TIME TO CHANGE!
So instead of facing dpdr head-on, what do you do instead? Well you have to
- question its hidden benefits
- get absolutely 100 percent crystal-clear on your intention of not needing those benefits and the fact that you can survive and live without them
- creating distance with the past (for example people can’t hurt me as they used to because I learned the lessons now and I’m stronger)
- and creating a new way of fulfilling the same needs (for example I can feel protected and safe just by avoiding certain people and making the right choices — not by being with them because it’s the only kind of relationship I know and that I was taught in childhood, and then in the relationship being mistreated and being afraid of leaving this person for fear of being alone)
This is basically what I do in my therapy and the reason why its so successful quick and profound all at the same time!As you can see theres no fancy theory, it’s actually very natural and real, it’s just the truth about yourself, the truth stripped of all the confusion and useless intellectual ramifications that people make up in their mind to avoid themselves!
But now it’s time to change and now you have the HOW to do to make this change!If you feel you need help in making this change and become the confident, motivated and joyful you want to become, just private message me on Facebook here or book a Discovery Call here
To your success, feeling real and grounded
– Giuseppe Tavella, DPDR & Dissociation Specialist