Most people (you included) start from the assumption that they want to get better, they want to remove anxiety, remove dissociation, etc.
But when you start from these assumptions, this is what happens: You start fighting yourself and you make progress but then sabotage it 😏
So, as paradoxical as it may seem, this is the way that i’ve found works very well (my students results are the proof): Start from the assumption that you want to KEEP these problems and that you have CREATED and CONTRIBUTED to them
I know it’s weird, i know it’s counter-intuitive, and i know you want to get better, etc. but when you start applying this new way something interesting happens: You start taking your power back
You start feeling more powerful. You start feeling that dissociation and anxiety “didnt happen to you and then you are the innocent victim”, but rather they are something you’ve created and contributed to in a way or another
For example here are some new ways you can start approaching this:
✅ I want to make myself sick. I love making myself sick. I get to have attention and empathy from people. When i make myself sick i have much more control of my life, so much control that i cant even function because of this anxiety and dissociation!
✅ wow im so powerful. I can make myself anxious at will. I just need to think about those thoughts, and i can invoke anxiety!? Wow im so powerful!
✅ keeping this negative voice in my head is so beneficial. I get to diminish myself, and when i diminish myself and lower my value, then im more docile and socially acceptable and people like me more. Wow im so powerful that i can make myself suffer so much
✅ I love dissociation. With dissociation i get to have so many excuses for not feeling emotions, for not being hurt, for not taking responsibility and avoiding things. I love feeling numb, it helps me be more in control of my emotions. I have so much control of my emotions that now i feel controlled by the need to control itself! I’ve let control control me; wow im so powerful!
✅ i believe that controlling my emotions helps me feel safer and have more control over my life. In fact im so much in control of my emotions and my life that i have so much anxiety, depression, perfectionism, not feeling enough, dissociation. Now with all these issues it’s easier to control my life and i feel safer!
Now, by seeing these facts FOR WHAT THEY ARE and by acknowledging their hidden usefulness, they automatically and effortlessly lose power
In these paradoxes and acknowledgements, thats where true healing starts. Why? Because you are acknowledging all the other more unconscious parts in you that do NOT want to improve and believe that improving is actually negative
This works because it’s based on another fundamental principle of healing and personal improvement: You dont really heal anything until you take 100 percent full and unconditional responsibility of where you’re at in your life
✅ suffering is useful
✅ negativity makes me stronger
✅ negativity makes me more interesting
✅ negativity makes me more complex
✅ anxiety is my identity
✅ problems help me have my needs met
✅ numbness gives me the excuse to not care
✅ numbness helps me not be hurt, etc.
These are general beliefs that people hold
So this is the new way: Explore the benefits of dissociation and anxiety. Meet and talk to all the parts of you that dont want to improve and think that improvement is actually negative.
Please stop saying that “no there are no benefits i just want to get better” blah blah blah. I’ve heard that one thousand times. It’s mundane, repetitive and everyone says they want to get better
There are always some hidden benefits in a way or another, some excuses and stories you’re using of why you find dissociation useful, of why it’s better to feel anxious because it’s helping you in some way, etc.
Real healing means letting go of these small benefits (having problems gets peoples attention, dissociation helps me be in control of my emotions and keeps them “in check”, anxiety helps me be perfect and helps me torture myself until im perfect so people will like me, etc.)
..for a bigger life of benefits without those benefits (feeling present, calm, confident, motivated, real, energetic, being a great partner/parent/person, etc.) 😁
So, what benefits do you choose?
Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist