People worry that if they dont control their feelings, those feelings wont go away and they’re gonna keep feeling anxious and scared and sad and hurt and angry. Well it’s the opposite!
Expecting feelings to go away is precisely why feelings dont go away! 😅
You see, expectations are a form of resistance. Resistances are things that the mind creates to give you that illusion of control, to help you escape you from that painful feeling IN THE MOMENT
by helping you escape in an expectation of how things should have been (regret, nostalgia, sadness), what i could have done instead (beating yourself up, guilt), what if this will happen (predicting the future), and all these compensatory mental mechanisms..
EVERYTHING BUT THAT FEELING PAINFUL FEELING IN THE PRESENT ! 😅
Basically when you feel painful and uncomfortable emotions, especially intense ones, the mind activates its artillery of protections by making you think how the past would have been (“I wish it didnt happen”),
reacting to feelings of hurt by getting angry that your parents werent there for you or that person abandoned or hurt or rejected you (protecting hurt with anger),
feeling annoyed and frustrated that anxiety is still bothering you (avoiding anxiety with frustration and annoyance), etc.
And this is precisely why the REAL emotions that you feel, the real anxiety, the real fear, the real sadness, the real hurts, the real problems and solutions
— they get lost under layers of reactions, protections, assumptions, theories, etc.
Notice the pattern? The mind doesnt want you to FEEL those feelings. 😌
Still to this day i’m amazed to how the mind is so stubborn and desperate to protect you from painful and uncomfortable feelings..
For example you can make yourself anxious and develop anxiety chronically, just because once you’ve felt intense shame and on some level you’ve promised to yourself that you would never feel ashamed because you are strong!
And now you develop chronic anxiety and hypervigilance and constantly checking in and “scanning your emotions before feeling them” in case you feel the first signs of shame
Because in that case, you want to outsmart the emotion of shame and so you start strategically avoiding situations that are going to trigger that shame (externally) and doing your absolute best to repress the emotion of shame itself by distracting yourself, thinking about something else, reacting to it with more emotions such as anger and anxiety, etc (internally)
Simply put, you are escaping from one original emotion believing that it’s gonna go away and your life will get better… But in doing so you’re actually creating more negativity, way more complexity, separation and detachment from yourself, much more pain and suffering, etc.
In this case, you’re CREATING (yes creating, not happening to you and then you are the innocent victim – like most people believe) you are creating anxiety based on the fear of feeling “unpredictable emotion of shame”. Basically you are scared of yourself! 🙃
So my first tip for you is to feel whatever you need to feel without adding extra feelings and reactions and protections on top of it
Wow! Incredible! You can make yourself suffer so much! I admire you! Imagine what you are capable of when you use the same power to make yourself happy and successful and free!
Which i know you’re capable of.. the only question is: WHEN? 🤔