Guessing what is the problem in you inevitably leads to GUESSES not solutions – Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist

Remember this basic fact about the mind: The mind is an expert at PROJECTING problems

Meaning that you thinking, intellectualizing, guessing, hypothesizing what is the problem in you inevitably leads to GUESSES not solutions

Here’s how the mind projects problems:

✅ REAL PROBLEM: you’re 9 and you’re feeling powerless in this abusive/traumatic experience and come to the conclusion that i cant change people and i have to find another way to have control

❌ FAKE PROBLEM: control everything, ocd, not letting anyone control you, racing thoughts on how you can attack people in case they make you feel powerless or shame you

✅ REAL SOLUTION: find out why you need all this control to begin with, face these traumatic/abusive memories and people that hurt you, challenge them, tell them that they have no power over you

❌ FAKE SOLUTION: find the meaning to everything, predict, replay conversations in your mind, overthink how you’re going to react in case you will powerless again

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✅ REAL PROBLEM: you’re 7 and your parent/authority figure is ordering you to do something against your will

❌ FAKE PROBLEM: promising to yourself that im never going to let anyone control me, problems in relationships and fighting because you dont want your partner to control you, hard time letting go, resisting to instructions, creating conspiracy theories and creating stories that convince you that people are trying to control you

✅ REAL SOLUTION: stop questioning yourself and start questioning this person, realize that it was not about you but about them, tell them that they’re assholes and they should have never told you to do something against your will and that you’re not going to carry this pattern (doubting yourself, having control, feeling powerless, etc.) for the rest of your life

❌ FAKE SOLUTION: trying to change people, trying to change people’s minds and make them adapt to you, trying to control the impression people have of you so you have the feeling that you have control

This is why we develop these protections/problems such as anxiety, ocd, dpdr, overthinking, need for control.

It’s as if the mind is saying to you: I’ve created this projected/fake problem in you (anxiety, ocd, overthinking, dpdr) so that when you get to a point in your life where you feel safer

you can tackle the REAL problem (challenging people that hurt you, processing painful emotions, facing traumatic memories, correcting inaccurate beliefs and conclusions you formed at an early age, etc.) not the projected/fake problem that acts like a REMINDER, an echo, a projection of the real problem

This is the art and essence of what i do 🥰

And hopefully you can use this approach both with yourself and to help people close to you

If you want to figure out what is the real problem not the projected problem and you’re tired of figuring it out on your own, consider booking a discovery call here

Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist