I have no emotions
I can’t feel
I feel dead and empty inside
I feel like a robot
This is a familiar situation for people living with dpdr, dissociation, anhedonia and any dissociative situation where we feel disconnected from our emotions
and at best we understand the idea of an emotion but not feel the emotion itself, and at worst we start to believe that perhaps we are robots born to suffer or something similar
So what i want to do for you is explain the internal engineering of emotions and explain to you why we dodge our emotions, and how you can start feeling again!
The basic process is this: Instead of feeling, we go into “another place” where the original emotion is not there for some reason and belief we have
Now here are some practical examples of those internal places we go to, and the main reasons as to why we feel disconnected and detached from our emotions and why we go into those dissociative places instead of feeling the authentic original emotion:
✅ we want to alter the perception people have of us — for example feeling much better (for example we lack authentic self-esteem so we have to to make up for it and swollen it) or much worse (for example trying to get attention) than we feel
So we stay in this emotionally-altered place and we obsessively play the game of “how am i being perceived” and we alter our authentic emotions based on the appearance we want to give instead of owning our authentic emotion
✅ we try to find the why, the meaning, the explanation of why we feel the way we’re feeling because as humans we are hard-wired to fear that which we cant explain.
So we stay in a emotionally-dried place full of logic, rational connections, fluent and coherent explanations, and we think that if we are good with words and concepts we can get away with it and no one will see how we truly feel 😉
✅ we have inaccurate, negative, limiting and distorted beliefs about emotions and how to handle them. For example our parents taught us that being angry means being rude and we should never create conflict and to always keep your mouth shut, that men dont cry and must always be strong and that if you are a woman and you cry men will exploit your weaknesses and similar (aka what is ‘right’)
So we stay in this dissociative place out of fear, guilt or shame
and we repress these basic human emotions for some belief we passively absorbed and then believed to be true. Basically we are disrespecting and limiting our emotional freedom
✅ we focus on how people should see us and what they want to hear for them to be happy and not to create conflict — instead of how we genuinely feel regardless of whether they like it or not. This emotional distorsion causes us to have unstable relationships, accumulated regrets, explosions of anger, misunderstandings, unmet needs on your side, etc.
So we stay and live in this dissociative state, confusion about what we want, simply because we deeply believe that we should never be angry or feel a particular emotion and because we are repressing this important emotion in us
So we edit our emotions and over time we find ourseves in a dissociative, numb, disconnnected, emotionally-altered and emotionally-dried state sometimes for appearance and perception reasons, sometimes for survival (for example when the emotion is very painful and overwhelming), sometimes for limiting beliefs we have about how to handle emotions, etc.
Whatever the reason, we end up in this dissociative or altered state where the orignal emotion is replaced by “something else”. Here are more examples:
ORIGINAL EMOTION: anger
LIMITING BELIEF: feeling angry is wrong, i should never create conflict
DISSOCIATIVE STATE or ALTERED EMOTION: i dont feel angry, actually i feel nothing. I feel just fine
ORIGINAL EMOTION: sadness
LIMITING BELIEF: feeling sad gets in the way of my goals. I dont have time to feel sad otherwise im going to be less efficient (this was my case)
DISSOCIATIVE STATE or ALTERED EMOTION: i dont feel sad, actually i feel nothing.
ORIGINAL EMOTION: shame
LIMITING BELIEF: if you feel ashamed and reveal your weaknesses and dark secrets your reputation will be ruined
DISSOCIATIVE STATE or ALTERED EMOTION: actually i feel overconfident. I never feel ashamed.
ORIGINAL EMOTION: happy, joy
LIMITING BELIEF: whenever i feel happy there’s always something that goes wrong, always an emergency, always someone needing my help as soon as i feel joyful.
DISSOCIATIVE STATE or ALTERED EMOTION: i feel nothing, i dont enjoy my life
So for a reason or another, for a belief or another, we end up in these dissociative states
Hopefully now you understand both the abstract and practical aspect of this emotional editing and why it’s so hard to feel emotions and that its not that you dont have emotions, it’s just that you’re not used to be focused on them but you’re focused on “something else” and you end up in a dissociative place where the orginal emotion is not there but it’s replaced by something else
This will get your mind thinking of scenes in your life, memories, beliefs, thoughts and anything that might have led you to be dissociated from your precious emotions
As i always do, I will give you more examples and solutions in the next videos and posts so you can re-feel again your emotions, be more joyful, motivated and confident
This post is already long like this haha 🙂
Contact me here on Facebook to know more how i can help you to stop dpdr, dissociation, anhenodia and any dissociative situation that is stopping you from living your life. Book your free Discovery Call here. To your success!
– Giuseppe Tavella, DPDR & Dissociation Specialist