Here’s an interesting and peculiar fact about healing from dissociation..
The more my students make progress, the more they start to have a new anxiety, the anxiety of “being normal” and “coming back to reality”
What is normal? What if there’s no normal? What am i going back to? What if those things that anxiety said were true? What if normal is the lie and anxiety and fears are right?
And so, precisely when you’re making progress, you get trapped in this cycle of questioning if those things that anxieties and fears said might be true
..and you believe that FIRST you need to figure them out and THEN you can feel calm and present and normal
“If i could just figure out till the end these thoughts that anxiety and fear have created, then im gonna find those answers that im looking for and i can finally feel calm”
Right!? But thats just a mirage..
I know i know im reading your mind haha 🤣 but it’s just what my students experience so i know you might be going through the same
So let me tell you: No you dont need to figure out those thoughts that anxiety and fears create
It’s the opposite actually: Figuring them out is precisely what keeps you in the cycle and how you got in the cycle to begin with
So no, you dont need to figure out if the universe exists, if your parents created you and if you came from them, if you have a brain or a soul, if you exist and why you exist, etc.
Figuring out the thoughts that anxiety and fears create is.. is a distraction. A VERY sophisticated and advanced distraction to be precise.
For example right now say you starting feeling sad or hurt, and instead of facing and feel that sadness/hurt, your mind offers you a thought “what is the origin of emotions” “why do i feel” “do i have a brain to feel” blah blah blah with the final goal of DISTRACTING you from the feeling in the present moment
..and you secretly hope that figuring out that mental stuff there is going to make this current painful feeling go away 😏
The mind is an expert at dissipating uncomfortable and painful feelings by THINKING and trying to FIGURE OUT thoughts, by providing explanations, creating stories, etc.
And this is the trick: The mind creates thoughts in such a way that they are hopeless and there’s no answer. Yep you’ve read that right
Basically you unconsciously want to be hopeless and you carefully select the most hopeless thoughts that you already know have no answer (why the universe exists, etc.)
Why? Because that way you can be distracted indefinitely and you have more complicated excuses as to why you shouldnt face your feelings and yourself in the present moment
If you try and figure out why the universe exists, it’s better to be hopeless about that knowing that you wont find an answer but AT LEAST you are distracted from the sadness, hurt, etc. that you are truly feeling
✅ YOU ARE MAKING YOURSELF HOPELESS BECAUSE FACING REALITY AND YOURSELF IS PAINFUL ✅
So like it or not, here’s the reality you need to face:
✅ you are making yourself hopeless so that you have an excuse as to why you should avoid feelings. After all if you find the answers to those thoughts/existential/philosophical thoughts, where is the fun? Nah.. You need to make yourself hopeless and there must be no answer so you can recycle the same excuse and the excuse of distracting yourself is “reusable”. So one part of you hopes there’s an answer at the end and that that answer is going to give you peace of mind, and another part of you knows VERY well that there’s no answer and that it’s just a distraction that tries to explain the painful feeling and distracts you from it
✅ you are following the mind’s distractions instead of feeling whatever you need to feel in the present moment
✅ you let your mind and body dissociate because you’re “emotionally lazy” and you dont want to feel whatever you need to feel, or you prefer to feel nothing instead of feeling but feeling out of control
People sometimes get irritated when i tell them that they’ve been creating their own suffering all along
We like to believe that “dissociation and anxiety and negativity happen to me and im just the innocent victim”. Sure, you are the innocent victim! Poor you!
Get up and face reality!! 💪
Giuseppe Tavella, DPDR & Dissociation Specialist