THIS IS WHY YOU HAVE STUCK EMOTIONS, FEEL NUMB, OVERTHINK AND FEEL LIKE THERES A BARRIER OR LIVE IN A BUBBLE
Here’s a pattern that i see very often with basically everyone living with dpdr and dissociation: There’s a separation between who you are.. and who you should be, what is safe to be, and what i am allowed to be.
And the main problem with the whole dissociation and dpdr is that you’ve confused the latter with the former. How? For example:
– i shouldnt feel sad because [insert belief as to why it’s wrong]
– i shouldnt feel angry because [insert why society or your parents taught you that it’s wrong]
– i cant feel hurt because people are going to take advantage of me
– i dont want to feel hurt because this and that
– i cant feel happy because [insert situation where happiness was seen as negative]
I dont want to feel X emotion because Y explanation, i cant feel X emotion because Y negative experience in the past, i shouldnt feel X emotion because Y justification, etc.
And in these subtle ways we end up detaching ourselves from the emotions we are feeling and bang dissociation!
So we start to build a personality and sense of identity out of what we should be, what is safe to be, what you are allowed to be and feel (almost as if there is an internal judge telling you that feeling this is wrong, and feeling that is right — for example anger is wrong and happiness is right)
At first we lose spontaneity, and then eventually things start to get so distorted that we even forget who truly are
Numbness increases as a way to make you not feel the real but ‘wrong’ emotions
Overthinking increases as a way to cover those real but ‘wrong’ emotions with clouds of explanations and logic
So this is my first advice for you: For you to love, forgive, be happy and do all this positive stuff, first you have to feel the OPPOSITE. And that doesnt mean that you’re going to take action on that opposite negative, it simply means that you have to FEEL and process it and sit with it
People feel hurt and want to rush it “dont worry i dont feel hurt, it’s nothing. Let’s get over it” because they dont want to sit with that hurt and think that if they avoid it, ‘eventually’ it will go away and magically they’ll get over it without facing it head-on
People feel angry and want to rush it “thats ok dont worry. Whats the point of feeling angry? It doesnt make sense” and try to rationalize it away, justify it and avoid the anger and escape from it because feeling anger threatens and would shatter their sense of identity because “Im not an angry person. I never get angry”
People hate and want to rush it “omg im hating right now. It’s wrong. Let me find something happy to distract myself with” because hate is ‘wrong’ and hopefully it will go away and they will become peaceful and calm and love
Basically people want to feel the positive without any negative, or feel the positive but are afraid of losing it, or feel the positive but they also know they will feel the negative and they’re going to suffer, etc.
Let me tell you this: there’s no bad emotion. No not even hate or anger are bad. 😏
It’s not a negative emotion being bad such as hate or anger — the real problem is simply the ignorance and unawareness on WHAT to do about it, HOW to manage it and WHAT that negative emotions TRULY means. Thats it.
So for example here are 2 new perspectives on how to see the negative emotions in you, more specifically anger and hurt:
✅ anger and even hate towards another person is an attempt to ‘destroy’ the supposed creator of our anger, that is a person or a situation. In reality it’s not about this external person or situation, it’s what this person/situation triggered in us that we were ALREADY trying to escape from — hurt, powerlessness, repressed memories, etc..
We fight this external thing or person because deep down we believe that it’s going to alleviate that painful thing in us that was triggered. Very rarely, if ever, does that make things better, actually it makes them worse.
So instead of going in the direction of destroying, revenge, hate, anger, go inside and explore what is the weak part in you that was triggered that you were ALREADY trying to avoid in you. And then you can even thank this person/situation for helping you see this weakness in you
✅ feeling hurt and triggered is not an excuse to say “you see, people hurt me! I knew i shouldnt trust/be vulnerable/express my real feelings with them” and acting the part of the innocent victim that receives injustices — but an opportunity to get to know yourself on a deeper level. People hurt precisely the parts of you that you are ALREADY rejecting, disliking and disowning in yourself. It’s you — not people or the world
See negative emotions as reminders of the parts of you you need to pay attention to more, not as enemies to fight or escape from
People want to be calm, forgive and be compassionate and skip the “feeling the negative emotion” stage and just skip it thinking they can get away with it and feel the positive as soon as possible.
But no!!! You have to feel both negative and positive without but’s and if’s, whether you have an explanation or not, whether you know it’s wrong or not, whether it’s mildly negative or very positive and every variation and nuance of any positive and negative emotion
The real problem starts not when you feel negative emotions, but when you ignore them and hope they’ll go away on their own without you facing them. Thats where dissociation starts. Thats where the barrier starts. Thats where the “i should feel this instead of that” starts. Thats where the emotional editing, dodging and replacement starts, that is when you feel an edited emotion instead of the original one, or feel nothing at all.
But now you are aware of this subconscious dynamics that you were unaware of, and therefore you can do something about them.
Book a Discovery Call with me here if you need more help in overcoming dissociation and dpdr, and if you want to make this personal improvement much easier thanks to my help and guidance and with someone who understands your sensitivity, the depths and nuances and complexity of your emotions, and can take you in the right places and show you HOW to get out of this dark tunnel 😃
To your success,
Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist
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