Every day I see different combinations of people..

– people who say they want to improve but are not willing to commit

– people who say they want to improve but prefer to explain and find evidence of why they can’t, why there’s no hope, why this and why that (pride of suffering, feeling unique thanks to complexity of symptoms, connecting thanks to feeling validated, etc.)

– people who say they want to improve but are not ready to let go of what they already know (pride of “knowing a lot”)

– and finally, the ONLY group of people i work with, which is people who say they want to improve and commit 100 percent and keep an open mind

So one thing i’ve learned over the years as a therapist and exploring the different levels of human experience both very positive and very negative,

is that one of the reasons people are stuck in their life is because we say we dont want problems, but we dont want the solution either 🤣

So let me ask you “Do you REALLY (i mean really really) want to improve?”

We assume that having a problem is followed by “i want to get better”, and that saying “i want to get better” means applying it in practice

These are inaccurate assumptions though

So let me give you some behind the scenes as a therapist, from someone who sees success and suffering dozens of time in the same day: NOT everyone wants to improve and having a problem does NOT automatically mean wanting to get better

This simple fact was extremely hard for me to accept because often i want people to get better more than they want it for themselves

Until i fully accepted the fact that not everyone wants to improve and i made peace with it 😌

So next time you say that:

– you want to get rid of negative thoughts and fears
– you want to stop dissociation
– you want to feel emotions
– you have a problem and you immediately jump to the conclusion that you want to solve it

Ask yourself the simple question “Am i really sure that i want the solution? Am i sure that i want to improve and get rid of this thing?”

Because chances are that you dont want the problem, but are you sure that you want to let it go and you want to apply the solution? (feeling painful feelings, facing reality, letting go of control, growing, pushing yourself, letting go of the “familiar cage”, get to know the parts of you you’ve hidden and repressed, etc.)

As a matter of fact it’s not rare that we are more scared to improve than we are to let go of problems and the secret sense of comfort and safety we milk out of them

Sometimes we force ourselves to improve not so much because we want to, but just because we believe that having a problem is a problem in itself and we shouldnt have problems

So from now on every time you say you have a problem ask yourself “do i even want the solution” and “am i ready to apply the solution”

After all, no one is forcing you to improve. It’s a choice not an obligation

To your success,
Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist

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