What most people THINK is the problem:
❌ I can’t enjoy life
❌ I don’t feel love
❌ I don’t feel angry
❌ I can’t cry
❌ I don’t feel sad
❌ I don’t have emotions
❌ I’ve lost myself
What is the ACTUAL problem:
✅ expecting how you should feel based on other peoples experiences
✅ forcing a feeling to happen and show up when you want to
✅ getting frustrated that you are not feeling in the way you want to feel
✅ getting frustrated that you should feel more and this is too little
✅ comparing what your feeling to an ideal of how you should feel
✅ doubting the feeling and thus interrupting the momentum and intensity of the feeling
✅ idealizing a person that would take care of your feelings for you
and thus interrupting the momentum and intensity of the feeling
✅ I don’t want to feel unprepared, I don’t want this “future unpredictable emotion” to catch me off guard
✅ I need to keep a certain impression people have of me
✅ I’m not giving myself the permission to feel and express my real emotions because people wont like the real me
✅ I’m scared of myself and of my emotions and I need to remain constantly vigilant in case an emotion erupts and overwhelms me
On top of that, GENERALLY speaking:
👦 males have a tendency to keep feelings inside and override them with their head and mental impositions and keeping the walls up and not letting people in — im strong, no one can hurt me, i dont cry, the macho complex, etc),
👩 females have a tendency to want someone with them to take care of their feelings for them and creating more problems to receive more attention/ support/ empathy– reassurance addiction, speaking a lot, the cinderella complex, etc)
You see, before you start “solving” any problem in healing and personal development, you need to start from the RIGHT problem
Did you know that John is using his smelly breath to keep people away so that they dont get close to him, they dont create intimacy and John cant get hurt? 🤔
So you go from a “breath problem” to a “fear of being hurt problem” just like that
So there’s no point in telling John to better brush his teeth, he is going to keep sabotaging his progress and finding a way to make his breath worse regardless of the solution that is being presented to him.
Why? Because everyone offering him solutions is addressing the wrong problem!
Same is true in healing and personal development; Very often the problem is different from the one you think is the problem.
So no, it’s not that you have no emotions. It’s not that you’ve lost yourself.
Very often it’s that you there’s a control issue, an appearance issue, not wanting to be perceived as weak issue, wanting to keep creating problems because thats the only way you know to get attention, etc. — not a “not having emotions” issue.
Before looking for solutions, question that assumption on what you think is the problem and start from the right problem 👌