Here’s an interesting fact about dpdr recovery that i’ve noticed with my students.. EVEN when they are seeing improvements.. EVEN things are getting better..
..it’s incredible how much you they can easily sabotage that progress by increasing the intensity of their questioning, doubting, obsessing, controlling more..
Almost as if one step forward triggers more doubts than happiness.. almost as if improvement is negative instead of positive 😅
Instead of thinking “wow im seeing improvements so quickly” sometimes they think
“but what if this is not an improvement?”
“what if it’s a fake improvement because those feelings i’ve felt with dpdr were true?”
“why did i think those scary thoughts to begin with?”
“how do i know what normal feels like?”
“im going back to normal but how does it feel to be normal? i need to figure that out first”
..and then, after i tell them these things, they’re like
“omg so you’re saying i can sabotage my progress, how do i not do that? Im so scared im going to sabotage my progress omg i dont wanna do that”
or after i tell them “okay my approach is often very quick and i can get you results in a matter of sessions” they start making themselves anxious because they think im indirectly telling them “go faster you’re too slow”,
even if i told them many times that im going to be there with them till the end.. or they start worrying that im comparing them to my top students, and they find and create any angle possible and making themselves anxious even when they’re getting better, etc.
and you almost start punishing yourself because you should’ve known better, because first you have the have the perfect feeling of how normal feels like first before you actually go there, etc.
And so you’re making one step forward, and almost attacking this improvement with more doubts and obsessing and controlling than before..
HEY, JUST FUCKING RELAX!! 😅
All the extra reactions and overthinking and worrying and stressing yourself and making yourself anxious IS dpdr itself!
You starting worrying that you’re going to sabotage your progress and so you start to become more hyperaware of your feelings and actions and controlling yourself, thinking that this way you are going to do everything “right” and thus avoid sabotaging yourself.. well let me tell you, this is precisely how you’re sabotaging yourself, by stressing yourself out on how to avoid at all costs sabotaging yourself! 😅
You think you’re avoiding a problem by overthinking more about it and developing compensatory, prediction and defense mechanisms around it, but you dont realize that all this internal stuff you’re doing makes the initial problem MUCH bigger than what it really is, and you end up complicating shit that it’s so easy when you just look at it for what it is and not adding all those thinking and reactions layers on top of it 😅
You starting to question if this is an actual improvement or a fake improvement.. well thats precisely how you go backwards
It’s not the details of the things you’re questioning – it’s the questioning, controlling, obsessing, overthinking ITSELF – regardless of the content and details!
People who develop dpdr tend to have the rare talent of stressing themselves out even when things are objectively getting better
You are an expert at hypnotizing yourself to believe negative shit, at scaring yourself, at finding all the possible angles to question everything, at making yourself anxious, at going back to square one even when you’re getting closer to your destination
Now you know why therapists dont want to work with you 🤣🤣
Now that being said, start noticing how you’re doing all of those things i mentioned above and what is the solution? RELEASE THAT CONTROL
Giuseppe Tavella, Dpdr & Dissociation Specialist